Friday, March 20, 2009

empty




did u ever find a time when you feel damn empty? initially you think it's nonsense. No logical reason to feel sad then you get a sudden feel of rushing events in your head, reminding you how awful life is showing you that you lost track of them.

did you ever find a time when you feel the love you had so great, unbreakable, no one can stop was just your fantasy? that suddenly you realize that all the things you saw were the ones your eyes only chose to believe in!

then you carefully carry your foot and just before you take your step, you need to consider --
is this the right direction?


zzz

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

extrinsic???


we usually dream and think of going out and mostly we hear our kababayans talk about their experiences in different countries they've been to; and yeah most of the Filipino families have relatives all over the world. there are tons of reasons why pinoys keep leaving and still they come back! when i was a child, i saw my cousins, uncles, aunts, dad and my grandma leave the country and come back from time to time and i have though about doing the same but hesitant as to the consequences and the changes that await me. but then again i was too young to analyze things and so it remained a fancy thought of what was out there waiting for me. attempts! can you imagine how frail and unprepared i was during those instant thought of just getting away and just leave period! i had many opportunities that in the end i chose to stay in the Philippines. reasons?! well, i had quite enough reasons why i had to stay. i couldn't leave mama and i had some battle against my own peculiar thoughts going on and on for the past years. my career was also tremendously playing a significant role in my decision-making so i had professional factors to consider like my staff, my colleagues, my boss and my self-fulfillment with what i have achieved and how satisfied i am with those that i have gained; do i still lack maturity? and all those questions running through my head. recession... funny how this globally dominating plague did not stop me from leaving! and most of them think that i am foolish! yeah, i am! lol but what else can i do? i can't stop it from happening or wait forever before i finally decide! I AM A FOREIGNER. it was an odd thing for me to say that i am indeed a foreigner now when for years the "foreigner" i am used to refer to are those tall and white men who tour my country, marrying brown-skinned pinays. but now i am THE foreigner! lol my job applications are a series of unimaginable totally crazy experiences! i had 15 interviews! not kidding! having this economic chaos can't be harder than any other time in history. i found myself realizing how absurd it is to be in the middle of all this! do i have a choice?!!! lol companies choose the locals over the foreigners and it's a no-brainer! differences--this country is diverse in itself where so many races and languages that you bump into! and i'm one of the pieces in the puzzle. ^^ and yeah, i'm fortunate that the company i belong right now is also a mixture of races-- that i don't feel no prejudice. lol the pinoys at work are cool with me. i guess i'll be so at home here in no time. =)